We have a golden orb spider that has taken up residence in our back yard. It can thank its lucky stars it’s not a redback or it would have been dead ages ago. But, it’s a rather interesting shape: a greyish-white abdomen (which is growing bigger and bigger), a dark head and tiger-striped legs. Its web, which takes up  one whole section of the pergola, shines a glorious golden colour when the angle of the sunshine is just right. Its many victims are lined up in a neat, tidy queue behind it. It’s an excellent catcher of flies, for which we cheer it on, but occasionally it catches a bee and that’s not cool.

It’s been fascinating watching it do its thing but now I’m beginning to get a tad nervous. I had hoped it was a male and that when its life was over, we could sweep away the web (that is more a spider apartment complex than one single web) and life would go back to normal. However, the ever-expanding abdomen is making me nervous. What will we do when the baby golden orb spiders are born? I can already picture the entire external structure of our house, layered in fine golden webbing, with hundreds of little spiders lining up their kill behind them. Ewwww. But, do we then kill them?

I once had to kill a mother huntsman with her babies piled up in a heaving mass on her back. She’d made the mistake of giving birth in a corner of our bathroom. When I tried to herd her out the back door she took off up our corridor, shedding babies right and left as she ran. I then sprayed them all, crying the whole time and saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I thought to myself, “I’m a mass murderer!”

I had trouble sleeping for days afterwards. Can I put myself through that trauma, all over again? Will the Old Boy, who has grown extremely fond of the golden orb arachnid, be able to deal with the situation?

I can hear you now: First world problems. And, intellectually, I agree with you. (Emotionally, I don’t.) I wonder: how do those people in IS or Boko Haram or other murdering terrorist groups, sleep at night? I get upset over killing a mere spider but they seem to take the lives of fellow human beings without a second thought. How is it possible for one human soul to become so desensitised towards the taking of a life? For me, man’s inhumanity to man is proof that humanity needs saving from itself.

For now, the golden orb spider lives on in its glorious golden web.