The Old Boy, the Wonder Dog and I are heading into the wilds of South-Western Victoria for a week of peace and quiet. While we’re gone I expect you all to behave.
America: the rest of us are watching you with a mixture of bemusement, confusion and a touch of horror. You seem to be imploding. Please make a wise decision on November 8. When we get back I do not want the Apocalypse to have started…as so many of you are suggesting will happen if your candidate isn’t elected. For goodness sake, pull yourselves together – if only for the children’s sake.
Russia: stop meddling in other people’s business. You’re big enough and old enough to know better.
UK: Brexit seems to be hanging around like a bad cold. For goodness sake, make a decision and then stick with it, whether the results are uncomfortable or not.
Syria and Iraq: what a mess! Just wait until your father gets home!
Australia: get your head out of the sporting magazines and have a look at what’s going on around you. I know how much sport means to you – I’m partial to it, myself – but there are bigger things, more important things, life-impacting things that are going on, and you need to get involved.
I’m expecting big things of you all; don’t let me down.