The Old Boy and I attended a wedding on the weekend. He was the officiating minister, which was a delight for me. Partly because I’m always proud of what a great job he does and partly because he looks drop-dead gorgeous in a suit. (He only wears them for weddings and funerals.) The time spent at the marriage celebrations evoked in me all sorts of emotions and memories.
We first met the bride when she was just a little girl. She and her family lived in the country town where the Old Boy had his first posting as a pastor. As is the way in small towns, we got to know her family, including her grandparents, very well. The bride’s grandmother, Ruth, was my friend. When I was first diagnosed with cancer Ruth was very upset. She was scared that I would die. While I was still undergoing treatment, Ruth and her husband had a serious car crash. (They’d collided with a cow. No one wins in that situation.) My husband and I went to the hospital to visit her and to support her family as best we could. By the end of that week she was taken off life-support and she was gone. 18 years later, I’m still here. Ironic, isn’t it? It showed me that life is a precious, fragile thing that should be treasured. We all might think and hope that we’ll live to an extraordinary old age and then die in our sleep, but in reality that is the exception rather than the rule. None of us know how long we have.
Listening to the young couple say their vows, promising to be faithful companions, sharing the ups and downs of life and pledging their undying love, I suddenly realised how blessed I was. That’s exactly the marriage I have with the Old Boy. We’ve faced some difficult things in our nearly 38 years together – lots of times in hospital, three miscarriages, the death of friends, my mother’s dementia, my parents’ death, changing jobs and homes and communities, for a few years having no or very little income, and now this final journey with the Big C – and throughout it all we’ve dealt with everything together. My husband has kept his promise to cherish me, to love me, to support me and to be my best friend. I think I’ve had the better deal than him, andI’m taking the opportunity right now to tell you all how wonderful he is.
Okay, he doesn’t often bring me flowers, or chocolate, or diamonds and he hasn’t bought me my two big dreams: a pool and a pink car. But he is my love, my rock and my better half. He encourages me when I feel like giving up. He gives of himself to others, sometimes to the point of exhaustion and, even though I worry about him, I am so proud of him that sometimes I could pop my shirt buttons. We’re a team. We’re salt and pepper; ebony and ivory; Bib and Bub. I wouldn’t want to spend my life with anyone else.
As the years have gone by I have come to realise that I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful marriage. There are a lot of hurting people in the world, wounded by bad relationships: sometimes damaged by alcohol or drug abuse; sometimes damaged by an abusive partner; sometimes devastated by unfaithfulness or cruelty. So, I thank God for giving me the Old Boy. I “give him props” for sticking with me all this time. What a champ!
This was your yearly dose of sentimentality. Back to the regular programming next week. 🙂
Wendy,
Thank you for the wedding and marriage images. My wife, Pam, is a breast cancer survivor and I feel some of the same emotions that you described. We are celebrating our 25th anniversary this week and we are st similar sign posts, too, with respect to friends and parents and a grasp of the fragility of life but anchored with our faith. I guess both of us are blessed, heh?
Chuck
Absolutely, Chuck. I think one of the advantages of facing a life-threatening illness is the wonderful way it brings things back into perspective. I’m so happy for you both that Pam is a SURVIVOR. I wish you both a blessed, joyful and fabulous anniversary. Dance like no one’s watching. 🙂
Good on you Wendy for sharing with us all your love for ‘good old Geoff’. So many people seem to down marriage nowadays and it’s refreshing to read things like you (and many others of us could) wrote (woops bad English, good excuse failed it twice).
Here’s an excuse for an extra hug for Geoff, give him a good one for me and don’t get too proud and pop those buttons!!
Yep, we never know when the Lord says, ‘time to join me in my mansion for a banquet’, as us of the middle age set can testify to, having seen many go to be with Him.
Just tell Geoff to look after himself, burnout is real, and he needs to pace himself (as we all do) in our work, or it will catch up to us, as it did with me a few years ago. I was doing so much for so many people I forgot to look after myself and I was of little use to any one for a few years. Take note of what the air hostesses say ‘if the plane looses altitude, an O2Y mask will drop, put it ON YOURSELF FIRST, THEN HELP THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU. What we tend to do is help the person next to us and we collapse due to a lack of O2Y (no good a chemistry either, hope that’s the right symbol).
Once again, thank you for your refreshing writing today.
Thanks, Keith. He’s already been through burnout twice, which is why we had to leave the previous large church and move to a smaller town and smaller congregation. He’s learned a lot of valuable lessons about pacing himself, but just lately he’s had a lot of extra emotional stress – quite a lot of it caused by me. There are a lot of great guys out there, including your good self, and we don’t celebrate you all enough. 🙂
Hey Wendy, I have never responded to a blog before, but here I go! I’ve had to deal with my tears though after reading it aloud to Peter. It is so close to my story! Our best friend died suddenly, at age 50, while I was in the middle of chemo. It rocked me and shocked me.. Didn’t seem fair he had no opportunity for farewells, letter writing or cupboard tidying like it did. Our lives are so tenuous, and in the hands of God eh!
And then the lovely stuff about Geoff. Could have inserted Peter’s name. I have learnt so much about the nature of God through him. His faithfulness, patience and love has overwhelmed me!
Yes, what blessed lives we have!
Thankyou for putting it in writing.
My prayers are with you guys
Love Karyn xx
Hi Karen. Well done on your first response to a blog. I’m chuffed that it’s mine! I’m so glad you’re now on the other side of your struggle with the Big C. It’s been lovely to hear that other people are similarly blessed with loving, supportive faithful partners. Usually only the bad stuff gets the publicity. Thanks for your prayers, they’re greatly appreciated. xx
Oh Wendy, you brought tears to my eyes with this blog. What a wonderful tribute you have given to Jeff. It was a sheer joy to read. You are both 2 truly beautiful people and I say in the most honest and complimentary way, you deserve each other, as you are a wonderful, shining example of what God meant for a marriage to be. I only wished I could’ve chosen wisely in my younger years. With love to you both, Cheers Pamela
Thank you, Pamela. That’s very kind of you to say so. 🙂
Three cheers for The Old Boy!!! It really is a wonderful gift a good and supportive husband. I’m so happy you found one, my dear friend.
Thanks, Lauri. I reckon Mr K sounds like a real bargain, too. How lucky are we? 🙂
<3 why have I only just found this now? *subscribes to your blog* (if you can even do that – I've never commented on a blog before either!!)
Thank you for being with us on our Wedding day! 'The Old Boy' (that makes me laugh every time!) certainly is great, we had so many people tell us how great our Ceremony was. I'm so glad our Wedding brought back some lovely memories and gave you warm-and-fuzzy-feelings 🙂 hehe.. It was lovely to see you there <3 xx
It was our pleasure and honour to be part of your special day, so thank you. And, thanks for finding my blog and commenting. I hope you’ll be a regular visitor. 🙂