We’re going on a holiday, leaving early tomorrow morning. The Wonder Dog had the big shave late yesterday, so that he will have a limited supply of fur to shed in the place we’re staying. He’s now about the size, shape and colour of a new born lamb. The poor wee thing. The Old Boy is out getting prescriptions filled and buying something we can eat today, as I was a bit too clever using up the food before we left. I should be doing last-minute laundry and then packing but, instead, ever loyal to my fans (cough) I’m doing the blog first. I hope you realise it’s because you’re all so special and it has nothing to do with putting off the ironing.

Now, to leave you something to think about, and possibly comment on, during the week. At the risk of proving I’m a grumpy old bag, here are some things in books that really irk me.

1. I’m really irritated by authors who don’t respect their readers’ intelligence. They have to explain everything. I want you to show me how a person is feeling by what they do, or what they say. Don’t just tell me. Even worse, don’t show me and then tell me anyway in case I don’t get it. I get it!  EG:  Tarnya slammed the door shut behind her, threw her bag on the chair and stomped across the room. “You can go to hell, Cheryl!” she said.  “I’m gonna kick you into the middle of next week.” Tarnya was really angry with her best friend.
I guessed Tarnya was upset in the first sentence. What she said to Cheryl confirmed my opinion. The third sentence just tells me the author thinks I’m too stupid to realise what she spent the last two sentences trying to show me. Perhaps it’s that the author lacks confidence in her writing technique. If so, she should get a good (better) editor and take their advice.

2. If you’re going to kill a character off, don’t make it someone with whom I’ve made a deep emotional connection. Kill off relative strangers. I never understood Rowling’s decision to kill Dumbledore.  I kept waiting for him to reappear in the next book, a la Gandalf. As for Mr Patrick Ness killing the dog… I understand the reasoning (plot-wise) but I have never got over the emotional damage done to my psyche. If he’d died in the first chapter or two, I’d have been upset but I would have got over it. But, the dog hangs around for so long and he’s so sweet and loyal and brave and funny… I loved that dog. Darn you, Ness!

3. What’s all the mucking about with “said” for crying out loud? It’s meant to be one of the invisibles like was, a, the and it. It merely connects the name of the speaker to the dialogue. “You can go to hell, Cheryl!” Tarnya said. I prefer “Tarnya said” rather than “said Tarnya”, simply because said before the name is olde worlde. No one says “said she” any more, so why “said Tarnya”? But, if you want to do it, at least be consistent. Stick with one way of doing it throughout the book. As soon as you chop and change we notice it. Our focus should be on the dialogue, not the tag at the end. As for making it interesting by substituting every suggestion from the thesaurus instead of “said”… don’t. Maybe an occasional “whispered” or “shrieked” would be okay, but you don’t need to put “asked” or “inquired” when there’s a question mark at the end. We know it’s a question already. Stop taking my attention off the important stuff by fiddling about with the inconsequential. It has a similar effect on my nerves as fingernails dragged down a blackboard. I want to get lost in the story and you keep interrupting me. Grrr.

Have I made the same mistakes? Yes to all three. Perhaps that’s why my clients’ books get published while I’m still waiting for mine to be picked up. sigh. What about you, dear readers? What annoys you? I promise I’ll try to avoid them in my next book.