Tomorrow the Old Boy and I are leading a workshop on parenting teens and young adults, at a church leadership conference. We’re not sure why we were asked – we’re nothing special and we’re certainly not the most ‘spiritual’ – but we’ve decided to run with it. It’s only the second time we’ve done this sort of thing together (we usually fly solo) so it’ll be interesting. Hopefully it won’t descend into fisticuffs.

It’s forced me to reflect on how we parented our kids. I realise that we didn’t always get it right. In fact, we often fell short of the gold star standard. But, I reckon we got some things right. After all, the kids are adults now, living in their own homes with their own families, and they still talk to us. In fact, our son still kisses his dad (and me) in public, without a shred of embarrassment – unlike when he was 14.

On the spur of the moment I asked our son what he thought we’d got right/what we taught him. He said he’d think about it and email a list. I was expecting just a funny, off-the-cuff remark there and then. However, he took it seriously so I thought, “Hey, it’ll help us work out what to say on the big day.”  (At the time, I didn’t think to ask my daughter so I hope she doesn’t get too mad when she finds out.)

While I was waiting for his email I thought of all the things he could say we taught him:

How to use the toilet.
How to use a knife and fork.
How to eat corn on the cob.
How to tie your shoe laces.
How to pray.
How to ride a bike.
How to whistle.
Polite manners that will make life easier in a civilised society.
To apologise when you burp or fart.
What to do when someone bullies you.
How to drive a car… etc.

This is what he sent us:

You guys taught me to have patience.  Patient for the things I might want and patience with people.  (Not that I’m not impatient sometimes.)
You taught me not to judge people and to be accepting of people.
I learnt not to be aggressive or violent towards people (even though I’d like to sometimes).
You encouraged me to be who I want to be and didn’t force me down a particular path.
You taught me about respect.  Respect your elders.  Respect towards women and others around me.
And, you also taught me to have a good sense of humour!

Suddenly I feel all warm and fuzzy and rather proud. We got it right far more than I realised. I’m still scared stupid about tomorrow but I don’t feel the complete fraud any more.