I find myself bemused by my regular spammers They’re a persistent lot, but not that smart. Now that I’ve been blogging for a couple of years (doesn’t time whizz past when you’re busy living?) I’ve realised there are certain types and each seems to stick to their own.

1. The helpful: I think what you’re doing is great and I want to help you generate more traffic to your blog. This can be done by purchasing my SEO, app, techno-doodad. My response? Rack off, hairy legs.

2. The encourager: Keep up the good work man/dude/guy/guys! (Look at my photo; please!  Perhaps I need more make-up, or a new hairdo, or collagen in my lips.) This is followed by a link to their own website, which is a sales page.

3. The socially connected: My sister/brother/uncle/work-mate put me on to this site. Or: my sister/brother/uncle/work-mate was so pleased I’d shown them this site, they took me out to dinner/breakfast, to thank me. Cheers; enjoy your meal, but no, I’m not buying.

4. The learner: I’m thinking of starting my own blog; what template/provider do you use? (That info is at the bottom of the page.) I’ve never posted a comment before. (Yeah you have, I remember your name, buddy. How could I forget: “Japanese sex girls” or, “diet solutions” or, “enlarge your penis”?). I’ve been looking everywhere for this information! (Seriously? You’ve always wanted to know why I hate phones?)

5. The critic: I’d like your blog more if your information was correct, or you didn’t have so many spelling errors (grrrrr) or you weren’t so obscure. (I find it strange that buying Bulgarian sports gear, or cameras from Luxembourg is a guaranteed way to improve my English.)

6. The honest: I can respect these people. At least they’re open about it. In their comments they either just post a link to their site or they say something like: “Louis Vuitton bags on sale.” I still delete them.

7. The obscure: One of my regulars simply puts: ??????????? I have no idea what that’s supposed to do. Am I intrigued? Only by the mental state of the poster, not by anything they might be trying to advertise. Another one always puts a jumble of letters and numbers: jtajYls7stTle. (The dear old computer just tried to tell me I’d mispelled “tactlessness”. Isn’t that cute?)

Many of these people have been sending me weekly messages for the whole time I’ve been blogging. And, every week I hit “delete permanently”. Yet, next Saturday, there they are again. Should I be flattered that their numbers are growing? Does this mean I’m special?

I reckon it’s just a computer program that’s been set up to generate these messages. Real people haven’t been involved in the process for many, many years. If they are real people, then may the Lord have mercy on them. The poor things! Fancy having to write that mindless drivel over and over and over… And it never achieves anything. It never makes it past my spam-filter and me.

If you’re a genuine reader/follower of this blog, I thank you most sincerely. Can I encourage you to be brave and leave a comment now and then? It’s so refreshing to read the real thing.