Today I thought I’d talk about one of the most common mistakes made with dialogue. Wait a moment while I dress for the part… All done. Ta da! Academic hat and gown on, pointer stick poised in right hand sdo39thh5… pointer stick lying on desk, glasses perched on end of nose, and here we go.
Floating heads: We all do it. The writing is champagne dialogue: witty, funny, and so real you can taste it. In fact it’s so good that before you know it there’s almost a page full, or even more. What’s wrong with that? You’ve developed Floating Head Syndrome.
As far as the reader knows your characters could be two headless bodies floating out in space. We can hear ’em, but we can’t see ’em. You need to bring those heads back to earth. Where are they? What are they doing? It doesn’t require long descriptive paragraphs between each line (in fact, please don’t!) but you’ve got to give us something.
Example 1: Floating Heads. (Imagine this continuing for the length of the page.)
“I went to the doc’s today,” Jane said.
“You okay?” Bob said.
“He wants to do some tests. It’s probably nothing.”
“You sure?”
“I should get the tea started.”
“Not too much for me. I had a big lunch.”
Now, we can tell a certain amount from this brief exchange: Jane’s been to the doctor and it’s serious enough to warrant further tests. Bob seems to be reassured and life continues as normal. If you can read much more than that into it, then I’m better than I think!
Example 2: Non-floating Heads.
“I went to the doc’s today,” Jane said.
“You okay?” Bob said. He put his briefcase down on the kitchen table and went to stare in the fridge.
“He wants to do some tests.”
She moved the briefcase to the sideboard. Bob peered around the fridge door at her. A smile flicked across her lips but didn’t reach her eyes. “It’s probably nothing,” she said.
He drank some juice straight out the carton. “You sure?”
Jane rearranged the ornaments on the sideboard shelf. “I should get the tea started,” she said. She held the porcelain cat their son gave her last Christmas and stroked it’s back with her forefinger.
“Not too much for me,” Bob said. “I had a big lunch.”
She held the cat up to her cheek and closed her eyes.
Not Grade-A writing, but now we know they’re in the kitchen; it’s late in the day because a) Bob’s home from work and b) she’s going to get their evening meal (tea); we know Bob isn’t as reassured as we first thought and Jane is more worried than she’s letting on. Bob is messy and Jane likes things tidy. They have a son. Hopefully there is a clearer sense of tension in the room and their characters are a little more defined.
It’s difficult to do this in such a short space but I hope this gives you a bit of an idea.
Happy writing everyone.