Everyone likes dolphins, right? We look at their smiley faces, watch their cute antics in the water, see the occasional video of a dolphin smooching up to a dog/cat/child on a boat and think: awww, how sweet! All my life dolphins have been the quintessential good guys. Sharks have always been the menacing baddies. A typical white hat/black hat scenario. Spiderman V the Green Hornet. With me so far?

Well the other day I saw a very disturbing documentary. Some scientists were investigating the mysterious deaths of a group of porpoises. Their deaths weren’t due to illness, or accidental drowning, or even being harpooned by over-zealous fishermen. They had been savagely, horrendously beaten up (massive bruising), slashed and mauled. Several of the scientists even used the word “murder”. And at the end of their investigation the shocking conclusion – and the forensics backed them up – was that the murderers were bottle-nosed dolphins. Okay, even though the wounds were appalling, I thought to myself: obviously some sort of aquatic turf war, or dolphins defending their families or… Admittedly the porpoises were a lot smaller than the dolphins but small doesn’t always mean innocent.

But there was more. Further research showed that it wasn’t what the porpoises were or weren’t doing that got them killed; it was their size. And what was significant about that? It’s the same size as infant dolphins. That’s right; dolphin males attack and kill dolphin youngsters. Wait! I hear you cry. Surely that’s just conjecture? Nope. We then got to watch the delightful footage of adult dolphins hunting in groups of twos and threes, chasing a youngster down, flinging it repeatedly into the air, mauling it with their teeth…

*Stopping for some happy thoughts: blue wrens; my dog grinning as he runs across the lawn; mama’s little baby loves shortnin’, shortnin’…*

Dolphins commit infanticide. I don’t know about you, but my world has decidedly tilted to the left! My head is spinning. Those rotten, smiley, sneaky, butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-their-mouths bas***ds! At least sharks kill to eat. Dolphins kill their own young for the sport! Turns out sharks are just natural predators who like to eat and dolphins are the sadistic killers! Once more we learn that things aren’t always what they seem. You can’t always (if ever) judge by appearances.

If I ever write a novel based on life in the sea, I’ve found the perfect villain: the friendly, playful, smiley dolphin. *shudder* And, while we’re at it, I’m sure we can all think of a few “human dolphins”; people who seemed all sweetness and light until the blackness in their heart finally seeped out into the daylight. Truth will out, folks. Forewarned is forearmed… (Fill in your own cliches here …………… )