My bomb is bigger than yours

Sep 9, 2017 | 0 comments

Here’s my suggestion for sorting out the North Korea v America situation: ignore Mr Kim.

You see, he’s the third generation in a line of megalomaniacs, known for their draconian authoritarianism but not much else. He’s not the brightest cookie in the jar although, in the world of politics, that’s not always a roadblock on the path to success. (Come on, we can all name a few.)

Nth Koreans don’t have the internet, or a mobile phone, or watch western movies, or any television shows other than Nth Korean ones. They have no access to the outside world, so they have no idea what is going on outside their borders. They only know what their “dear leader” tells them.

As far as the bulk of the Nth Koreans are concerned, Kim Jong Un is a god…literally. His people are totally reliant on him for their very existence. He can do no wrong. He can have what he wants. His only job is to protect Nth Korea from the rest of the world and, in particular, the USA.

So, he spends all his time playing with his missiles; admiring his missiles; firing his missiles; threatening to fire his missiles and building more missiles. Frankly, the dude is a tad obsessed. He has issues. I blame his father.

He has to be seen as the champion of Nth Korea. So, the USA and Australia must resist the temptation to have a knee-jerk reaction. If they send more ships and planes and set up their counter-missiles along the border, then Mr Kim can say, “See! I told you they were threatening us. I told you, you need me to defend you. I’m the only one who can save you.” Then he’ll go nuts and it’ll be World War III, and the world will be covered in nuclear fall-out.

If everyone removes their ships from the area and pays lip service to his delusions of grandeur – ‘Yes, Mr Kim, you certainly have got big, nasty missiles. You’re the boss.’ – then he’ll be happy and things’ll settle down again.

Now, we’ll all know that he’s not the boss. We’ll all know that he’s a jumped-up little dictator with an over-inflated ego and a ridiculous haircut. We’ll all know that he’s a psychotic joke. But, he’ll think he’s won and that’s a win for us.

Of course, I’m not an expert on foreign affairs and I’m probably talking through the back of my head, but I reckon it’s as good a plan as anyone else’s.

Now, if we could just convince our dear leaders to not be offended by the trash talk, not to feel the need to compete in the “my bomb is bigger than your bomb” competition, and to keep itching fingers away from the nuclear buttons…

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