Safety first…

I had an unfortunate experience in the bathroom a while ago, which taught me an important life lesson and reinforced an old one. I’d stepped out of the shower and as I towelled myself dry I thought, “While I’m here I might as well tidy up the old eyebrows.” So far, so good.

I opened up the drawer, took out the tweezers and leaned forward over the counter so that I could see myself in the mirror. Without my glasses I’m nearly blind, so if I don’t lean in the face is just a murky blur. It’s an interesting artistic effect but not helpful when one has to do some pruning.

Halfway through the first eyebrow I realised I’d left the drawer open. (This explained the strange pressure on my abdomen every time I went in for a close-up.) So, I slammed the drawer shut. Unfortunately I hadn’t allowed for the “Dangle Factor”. I forget that when my boob is unencumbered, it’s not as perky as it was 30 years ago. These days it resembles a deflated seedless watermelon. That’s a lot of dangle.

I’d read it in books, and discounted it as poetic license, but I’m here to tell you: tears can actually spurt out of one’s eyes. And that’s what happened: tears spurting and lots of dancing on my toes sqawking and gurgling in agony.

I’ve only got one boob so I need to take better care of it. I used to have two, but I lost one. No – I didnt leave it on a bus or drop it out of my pocket in a park somewhere. It was taken from me by a very nice Egyptian/Australian surgeon, simply because it was riddled with cancer. I miss the old girl. So does her twin. In fact the whole upper-half of my body isn’t the same without her.

So here’s the life lessons learned and reinforced: 1) Take care of your boobs and get them regularly checked, even though a mammogram feels very similar to having a drawer slammed on them. 2) Whatever you do, before you shut the drawer, LOOK DOWN! (Men, there are reasons why this is also good advice for you. Think about it.)


  1. groovyoldlady
    Oct 11, 2010

    Owwwwwwww! Oh my, that smarted, eh?

    I get checked regularly and follow all the latest health advice except for that eat-lots-of-fish rule. I really don’t care for fish unless it’s breaded and deep fried, which kinda negates all the benefits thereof.

  2. Trevor Hampel
    Oct 11, 2010

    As for the advice to men – duly noted, though in our bathroom the only drawer is too high to be a threat.

  3. Trevor Hampel
    Oct 11, 2010

    Brilliant – a lesson learned the hard way. Not sure whether I should say “ouch that smarts” or laugh out loud – so I did both.
    Do you have the same outlook as Corinne and her friend who now think that sales advertising “half price bras” take on a whole new meaning??

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