When I first heard that the breast cancer I’d had in 1993 was back and chewing on my ribs, I was worried I wouldn’t make it until next Christmas. That’s because, in the last few years, a number of my friends have only lasted one more year after the cancer returned. But, my specialist has convinced me that it is highly likely that I have years yet. Woo hoo!

 

 

The thing that annoys me is that, last time, I had such a great peace about it.  I decided I’d take my medicine and then I’d get better; it was just another illness. This time I know that eventually, no matter what we do, I won’t get better. My struggle has been to find the same level of peace as last time. However, rest assured dear reader, I’m getting there. One of the things that has helped me, is to remember that everyone dies of something, some time. None of us knows what will cause it, or when it will be. I could die in a car crash tomorrow. Having cancer doesn’t make me immune from everything else in life (which is a pity!).

 

 

In a way, people with a life-threatening condition are privileged, because we’ve been given warning and we’re forced to get a different perspective on life. It’s made me take another look at what is important to me. So that’s a good thing. As a result, I’ve narrowed my focus: family (including the animals, of course), friends, faith and fiction. (I want to say my work – reviewer, editor, writer – but I couldn’t resist the alliteration.)

 

 

I’ll be honest: there are times when I get a little scared. I’m not afraid of being dead. I’m scared I won’t get long enough to do everything I have on my list, and I’m a little nervous about the process of dying. I don’t want to die  “badly”. I want to be a good role model to my kids and grandkids and I don’t want to distress them any more than is necessary. I don’t want to make my faith seem futile. And, I guess like everybody else, it’s the fear of the unknown. Death is the last uncharted territory. BUT, that’s not going to happen for quite some time – and then a bit more than that – so I’ll try not to worry about it until I need to.

 

 

Meanwhile I’m just going to live as though life’s continuing as normal (which it is!). After all I don’t want to waste the rest of my life being self-obsessed or only thinking about death. (Perish the thought!) Life is for living, dagnab it. I’m grateful that the cancer has forced me to concentrate on being the person I’m shaped to be and to enjoy the day I’m in. Sounds like a plan, right?

 

 

Have a nice day, everyone, and enjoy being you.