I’ve figured out why Beast-speaker wasn’t picked up by a traditional publisher. It’s not because I don’t write reasonably well (they’ve all told me I do) but it’s that they don’t know where it fits in the market-place. The relatively young ages of my protagonist, and his friend, inclined it towards the junior age group of 10+ but the subject matter and the moments of violence put it in the higher age range. Therefore it is neither one nor the other; it floats about in a little niche of its own. I’ve always seen it as a book for mid-teens up to adult but I had to make my protagonist younger than that age group usually relates to, because it’s a story about child soldiers. During the next two books in the story, they all grow older – just like Harry Potter does – so I hope that doesn’t remain a problem with people. (Not that I’ve written a Potteresque story; that would bring criticism of another sort.)

As for the violence, (here we go again!) I’ve read plenty of other YA books that have dealt with dark and difficult subjects – drugs, anorexia, murder, incest, severe bullying, physical assault, kidnapping – that somehow made the grade and got into print. sigh. I did my best not to be too graphic in my description of the violence and not to use it gratuitously but, even so, a number of people have commented on the first incident. (I won’t spoil it by going into details in case some of you haven’t read the book, yet. Currently being sold for $2.99 on Amazon.) Several people have told me they gasped out loud when they got to it. One friend, an author, said she nearly didn’t keep reading but did so solely because she knew me and wanted to be supportive. Another reader told my husband just this week that he and his wife are unsure whether they will keep reading the story because it was so shocking. I always have mixed feelings when I hear this sort of thing.

First, I think: Great! That’s exactly how I wanted people to react. This sort of thing is shocking. What happens to those poor kids is utterly appalling and far worse than what I describe.
Second, I think: Surely it’s not the most shocking thing you’ve ever read?  And, have you watched the TV news, lately?
Third, I think: I’m glad there are still people in this world who are shocked and offended by violence.
Fourth, I think: Is there something wrong with me, that I allow my imagination to take me into dark places? Why, oh why, did I write this?

I’m glad to say that the author friend, who kept reading because she knew me, told me that in the end she really enjoyed the story and understood what I was trying to say. I appreciate her willingness to trust me enough to persevere. I guess that’s where the problem lies for traditional publishing houses: they don’t know me. They can only base their decision on what they’ve been given: a story that has a young protagonist but has content more suitable for an older age bracket. Hmmm…what to do? Go with it, or take this other story about a kid who gets teased at school? It’s a no-brainer.

Thank goodness for Australian eBook Publishers, who were willing to take a risk. Thank goodness for those readers who have persevered, read the whole thing, and have given encouraging feedback.

Being a writer is a complicated business: an emotional roller-coaster ride; a challenge to all that one holds dear and true; a willingness to lose oneself in one’s imagination; a willingness to make oneself vulnerable to whoever reads the final product, and an ability to keep all the plates (technique, dialogue, narration, voice, point of view, plot satisfaction, the truth) spinning at the same time. Some writers manage to get it all right, or at least 99% right, and they are the big success stories. The rest of us muddle along as best we can.